We didn’t make a bid on the house because Bing Crosby howled. As soon as we entered the master bedroom he got agitated and wanted to wriggle out of Kyra’s hands. We apologized to the startled realtor and excused ourselves. There is a ghost here, Kyra told her, he can sense it. I could tell from her face she thought we were crazy.
We had our ways to keep them away, the ghosts I mean. Not the unbelievers. There’s nothing you can do to convince them otherwise. I have made my peace with that. What I know is that once we kept the ghosts away Bing stopped howling in the night and more importantly both Kyra and I hardly ever fell sick.
It was the guy from animal shelter that told us our new terrier howled because he can sense ghosts. He was the one that told us to hang garlic on our doorways, use stainless steel utensils, don’t let bathroom windows fog up and to let sunlight in as much as possible. I won’t lie, the reason I keep a little food out on the porch every night is not for some stray cat to eat.
The guy from animal shelter also told us that the ghosts are generally harmless and only mess with the energy in the aura around us. He joked about this one lady he heard of who made her daughter wear a butt plug every day because she thought the devil would fuck her up the ass otherwise. The poor daughter thought this was normal till she lost her plug in the school toilet one day and rushed to the principal’s office in a panic. Needless to say the child was soon in the hands of social service and the lady in a psych ward. As he concluded his story we all shook our heads in disbelief. People like this crazy lady give the rest of us a bad rap.
Our numbers are growing. I can tell by how the prices of homes with east facing doors are on the rise. So go ahead and roll your eyes at us. Preach your science at the top of your lungs. We don’t mind if you all think we are crazy. The day will come when all humans will have to reckon with all of them from the other side. And only us crazy ones will be spared. Won’t you join us now before it’s too late to be saved?